vesterberg.se

I have recently returned from a one-week trekking in the mountains in the company of my oldest son Mattias and my dog Viggo. We visited the area west of Abisko in the very north of Sweden. It was really an adventure with many experiences of the greatness of nature. As a preparation for the trip (just for fun) I read and thought a little about survival strategies. What are the most important patterns that make people survive when they get into trouble; a plane crash, a catastrophe or when they get lost in unknown territory.

Those who survive shipwrecks, plane crashes, natural disasters and prison camps are those who are open to the changing nature of their environment, according to many psychologists. The survivors are those who notice that something changes around them and adapt accordingly.

Each one of us live with a mental model of the world, psychologists say. We see what we expect to see. We see what makes sense and what makes sense is what matches your mental model. More or less unconsciously we find reasons to exclude the information that might contradict our inner world instead of updating our view. Here comes the insidious thing. When things change around us, we don’t notice it. When the unexpected happens, we move on as usual or sit down denying the facts. We have a tendency to anticipate and predict the future based on our mental model and that puts us in trouble. We have this false sense that we are always in control.

At one point in Abisko we were a bit disoriented and were slightly on the wrong path. The landscape before us didn’t match the map as we expected. This happened at the end of the day. We had just finished a difficult passage and were hungry and tired, expecting an easy route to our next stop. We had to pause, eat some snacks (important!) and reorient, updating our mental image of our position.  We could easily have continued for miles in the wrong direction, but luckily we didn’t.

Psychologists say survivors more than others allow new information to reshape their mental model. They admit reality, accept it and work with it. They are open and curious. This rule is obvious in the nature. Those animals that adapt to changing environment survive and those who don’t become extinct. People who are rule followers don’t do as well as those who are of independent mind and spirit. Survivors question everything, sometimes annoyingly.

Trekking is a great way to learn to be a better observer. You have to look at what is around you and intelligently compare it to the map. When you walk in isolated parts of the country, losing your way can be unpleasant. This keeps you alert. You also have to look back every once in a while and memorize how your past path looks, because you might be forced to turn back.

Thankfully, we can learn to live aware and open. We ought to nourish our curiosity constantly and question what is happening. Perhaps it is a just matter of relearning, since no one is more observant and adaptive than a small child. This observant and adaptive lifestyle might save our life one day.

I am sure you have had moments when you felt especially close to nature. It could have been a sunset or when you met a deer in the forest. It could have been hearing birds singing an early morning in the spring. I believe that these moments are precious. No, more than that. They are important, very important. We should seek these experiences or rather expose ourselves to them. But you can’t command or control them. You have to take the time, be still out in nature and wait for them.

I spent time trekking and living in a tent in the Swedish mountains at two occasions this summer. I was at the bare mountain region where the clouds are sailing. It was a great experience. Up there in the stillness with no people in sight (except my fellow-trekker) I took the opportunity to “connect” to nature and the wildlife. We had sunny days, which are great. Stormy weather (the wind can be very strong up there) and fog can also be positive experiences if you let them. I remember standing in a vast valley with the strong wind blowing through me. I remember seeing the clouds pass by close and I was profoundly affected.

- Hmm, what do you mean by that?

I can’t describe it really. I felt small and at the same time surrounded and embraced by nature. Now afterwards I feel that my relation to nature has changed. The wind and the clouds somehow feel familiar. Does it sound spooky to you?

I believe one of the reasons that man can destroy nature without hesitating, is that he hasn’t gazed in the eyes of a wild deer long enough.

Tell me reader, have you had experiences like these?

When I have spoken publicly I have often wondered about the dynamics of speaking to a crowd. Sometimes it is easy, like a brook flowing out from you and sometimes it is like chewing sawdust or sand. Sometimes you are able to catch the attention of the audience and sometimes you are very happy to have notes and you just want to finish your speech as soon as possible. The brook-experiences are great. It is like what you are saying is created afresh in that very moment and you say things you have not thought about before. An interested and participating audience “pulls” out a living message.

Some days ago I read an interesting article at the Pegasus site called “A whole approach to public speaking” by Carla Kimball that describes this phenomenon very nice. She talks about how we can grow in our public speaking abilities by  developing awareness when speaking. You can connect to the audience, seeing both yourself and the audience as a larger whole. She talks about establishing a relationship with the ones you are talking to and creating a shared space. What is being said is, in a way, created by both the speaker and the audience. One of the keys is to think how you can be of service. It is not about presenting your thing, but about being a servant.

I have recently experienced both being in the flow and chewing sand, so the explanation really came alive to me.

A good mix of different personalities, roles and experiences increases the creativity and quality of teamwork. In groups and any kind of collaboration, we need diverse angles of approach. We ought to choose members in a team on purpose with diversification in mind, but if you are like me, the first thought is to choose people like yourself. You know, some people you just immediately get along with and relationship feels natural. Other people are more troublesome and hard to understand. What if we too soon exclude people? Perhaps they are hard to understand, because you are different. What would happen if we took a step towards them and tried to build something together? I am playing with the thought that some possible connections pass by unnoticed because of preconceived ideas.

Differences first

We are usually quite fast to categorize people when we meet; most of the time we see differences first. The first thought is accompanied with a feeling. We compare ourselves with the other person in some areas. Either it turns out favourable for us or we feel inferior. We might feel envy, insecurity or contempt and distance. As a result we put a label on the other person. We see what’s separating us and hang on to that. If we look at our behaviour a bit more closely, it has actually an egoistic smell on our part. Why do we choose the differences first?

Similarities first

What would happen if the first thing we do, we look for things that connect us with the other person, things we have in common? We can first try to build a bridge, even if it is a tiny one. At least we are two human beings; that’s something at least. Connecting to and cooperating with someone that is unlike you is powerful. It could be worth the extra energy we have to put into it. Diversification is a key to survival in nature.

I was thinking along these lines while standing in a queue at a grocery store a few days ago. I looked at each person in the queue while noticing my own reactions. There were different ages and different social statuses represented. Some looked cool and self-confident, other confused, insecure or overbearing. I  noticed my initial thoughts about them. But we were all humans; we all stood in the same queue buying groceries, probably facing the same kind of troubles in life.

More on this subject:
Living inside walls
Your thoughts are not you

I just returned from a long walk in the forest nearby. We northern Swedes get so happy when temperature rises above 18 degrees Celsius (64 degrees Fahrenheit) and the sun is shining. We have summer now. I am fortunate to live near nature and every day I spend time there with my dog. The last weeks I have focused on listening to sounds when I walk in the forest. I make my ears big. You might think I’m crazy. Do you remember that I wrote about prioritizing senses recently? I hear birds singing, leaves that are rustling and the wind blowing. I hear my own shoes treading on twigs and dry leaves on the ground. The small sounds of leaves shivering in the wind are just wonderful. I drink it in and take the opportunity to live in the present. I pause from thoughts and plans.

Increased awareness brings many new insights. Things are going on, that you didn’t realize. Increased awareness means that you become more aware of your body and soul, of your thoughts and actions. Even more important, you can become aware of your own thought process.

A busy mind

Our mind is usually very busy. Thoughts and feelings are dancing around. We look at something and is reminded of something else. We read some headlines and feelings move on the inside. Your kid comes for a talk and you say “mmmm”, but your mind is elsewhere. Many times, we act like moving by autopilot. This phenomenon is accelerated in today’s busy western lifestyle. Media and information are bombarding us all day long. Thoughts triggers reactions, that create even more thoughts; this can form an endless loop and we are at risk of being burned-out.

Thoughts are not you

The truth is that your thoughts are not necessarily you. Thoughts and feelings move as processes on their own; they are not necessarily produced or run by “you”. Not every thought that comes to your mind need to be attended to, nor reacted on. We are not aware of what is going on. Our thoughts and feelings create patterns, like wheel-tracks in our mind and we react on them, almost without knowing it. We have no time today for quietness and we have lost our stillness. We have no space on the inside to look at our thoughts and evaluate them, because decisions to be made press hard on us. We have no time to reflect, because of our busy schedule

Presentation and re-presentation

Man has difficulties separating real experience from thoughts and feelings of his mind. The presentation from our senses is competing with the representations from our mind. When we meet people or situations, our mind is immediately representing thoughts and feelings. This is a mix of past experiences, collective opinions and media influence. These thoughts and feelings take command and unconsciously control our reaction and behaviour. The representations seem more real than reality and we get deceived. The thought of something frightening can be felt in our bodies, just like we were encountering the real thing. Thoughts are powerful. Thought treats itself like the truth – as just being there, telling you how things are.

Relationships

This confusion of reality and thoughts is like a mental fog that makes relationships stagnate and break down, or even prevent them from being formed. Dialogue cannot move on to a deeper level, because we defend our assumptions. We have already settled on what we think is true about neighbours, immigrants and foreign countries. What we need is a mirror that helps us to see our own assumptions.

Easily seduced

How can ordinary people participate in genocide? People like you and me? How is it possible that Jews was treated like cattle during WW2? Still, it has happened again and again. Why? Because when these people looked at the children and the women, they saw what their minds produced. Propaganda placed pictures and feelings in their minds that spoke louder than their own “common sense”. They did not touch reality and therefore had no empathy. The child was not a child and the woman was not a woman. They looked though the filter of their minds. You can see how important it is, to have this space on the inside to discern our own thoughts.

We have collectively and individually built abstractions and models of reality with our thinking. There is great danger in living in that world. We need to learn to live in the present. We need to touch reality.

Presence

I believe we need times of quietness and stillness. It is necessary to give the dancing mind a break. Some empty space need to be allocated on the inside. This growing in mindfulness and awareness of body and mind is very important for us today. It is really reclaiming our own wholeness and peace and strengthening our “self”. By practising stillness, our minds will get less turbulent and reactive and we will have time and space on the inside to reflect.

I also believe in an emphasis on our senses. Let’s take a walk every now and then and give them a chance. Listen to the sounds. Feel the smells. Look around. Listening to songs of birds means health to your mind. Beholding beautiful faces of children will ensure that we will not one day be deceived by thoughts saying they are something else.

Today I was thinking of how important it is that we train ourselves to be sensitive to the feedback we get from our senses. I found out that I was trusting my eyes to much when we played bass two weeks ago at a place where the stage was in darkness. After that I decided to practice without looking at the fretboard at all. This way I have to trust the other senses, like hearing and feeling. If we want to learn and grow continually, we have to become aware of our own playing through all senses.